Love Beyond Feelings
What word pops into your head when you hear “Valentine’s Day”? Is it the same word that comes to mind when you hear “the Ten Commandments”? If not, it should be, because both attest to “love.”
Equating Valentine’s Day with “love” is a no brainer. Last year in the U.S. we spent $25.8 billion to say “I love you” on February 14. While flowers, candy and jewelry were still popular, last year saw increased spending on barware sets, travel accessories, and table shuffleboard.[1] Nothing says “I love you!” like table shuffleboard!
To find out what our GDP-sized investment tells us about our concept of love, I asked Perplexity, an AI app, to list ten top Valentine’s Day greetings. After a few seconds scouring the web, this was its response:
Here are 10 delightful Valentine's Day greetings:
"I love you today, tomorrow, and all the days after that."
"You complete me."
"I'm so lucky to be in love with my best friend."
"You still make me laugh. You still give me butterflies. And I'm still falling for you every single day."
"To me, you are perfect."
"I love you more than any candy heart could say."
"Thank you for bringing so much love, joy, and adventure into my life."
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine."
"Night and day, I dream of you."
"Every scar. Every flaw. Every imperfection. I love you."
Based on these samples, Valentine’s Day “love” is all about how we feel. We spend billions communicating emotional love. “I love you” primarily means “I have a positive emotional response to you” or “I appreciate who you are and what you do for me” or “I have a physical attraction to you.”
There is something wonderfully satisfying and often healing in giving and receiving this kind of love. As an adult, learning to say to my parents “I love you” deepened our relationship by giving voice to what was already there. Valentine’s Day gives us the opportunity to fill others’ need for emotional affirmation and have our own met.
In contrast to Valentine’s Day, “love” is not the first thing that comes to mind when we think of the Ten Commandments. For most of us the word “rules” might come to mind, a list of “dos and don’ts,” but not love. Imagine sending a Valentine card to someone that said,
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m thinking of the Ten Commandments,
I hope you are too!
Be my Valentine!
Yet, there is a profound link between love and God’s commandments.
Note how the apostles Paul and James link love and God’s Law, the Ten Commandments:
“Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. For this, ‘You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,’ and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law”(Romans 13:8–10).
“For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Galatians 5:14).
“If, however, you are fulfilling the royal law according to the Scripture, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing well” (James 2:8).
The apostles’ point is that when we truly love people, we are doing what the Law requires. In other words, love is acting for the good of others the same way we naturally care for ourselves.
The Law reveals love to be more than an expression of our ever-shifting emotions. Imagine a human body without its skeleton. Sans bones, our bodies would be a misshapen and unrecognizable mess. Like our skeleton, the specific prescriptions and prohibitions of the Ten Commandments give love a definitive, recognizable shape.
For example, when we choose to protect the sanctity of marriage (our own or others’) by not committing adultery, we are loving all involved. When we choose to trust God for our needs rather than steal what belongs to another, we are loving that person and those who depend on him. The law shapes love.
Truly loving others requires linking law and love. Doing so frees us from the morass of our ever-shifting, unreliable emotions. For years, I thought it was hypocritical to tell my wife “I love you” if I was not feeling emotionally loving toward her. This led to hurt feelings, confusion, and eroded our unity.
But now, even in conflict, I can say “I love you” confidently. Why? Because I have made the love/law connection. Regardless of my emotions, by God’s grace I am committed to loving my wife by acting for her good. The wonder of it all is that in focusing on loving my wife as God desires, He is faithful to bring my emotions into line!
This February 14, let each of us who know God’s love renew our commitment to demonstrating it in word and deed. And please continue praying for LIFE’s staff. They passionately want to share God’s love in Messiah with His people, the Jewish people, but evangelism among my people is tough. Messiah’s good news lovingly proclaimed often falls on rocky soil and is rejected. Genuine concern for people’s eternal destiny may be perceived as hatred, a desire to destroy Jewish souls. Our beloved staff need God’s power to stand firm in love and not succumb to the negative emotions that accompany misunderstanding and rejection.
Love prevails!
“But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love”
(1 Corinthians 13:13).
Written by Dan, Life in Messiah Board member
When you hear “the Ten Commandments,” what is the first word that comes to mind? What do you think has shaped your initial response?
Making the “love/law connection” enables us to love based on the commitment to act for another person’s good, not on our emotions. Is there someone in your life who needs to receive an affirmation of your love for them, whether verbally, in a written note, or as a hug? Follow the Spirit’s prompting, and ask the Lord to guide you as you obey His command to “love one another” (John 13:34).
When withholding love causes a relationship to fracture, forgiveness is needed. This blog offers insight on giving and receiving the gift of forgiveness.
Endnotes:
[1] Clara Ludmir, “Valentine’s Day Spending to Hit $26 Billion, as ‘Experience Gifts’ Grow in Popularity,” Forbes, February 13, 2024, https://www.forbes.com/sites/claraludmir/2024/02/13/valentines-day-spending-to-hit-26-billion-as-experience-gifts-grow-in-popularity/.