When Mother’s Day Hurts
In my neighborhood, the church on the corner has a grave in the courtyard, “In Memory of the Unborn.” The flowers are always freshly planted on Mother’s Day. The soil is wet with tears.
A dear friend of mine used to stand in the hallway of her home, looking into the spare room. She could imagine the room in golden light, freshly painted in a pale pastel with a rocking chair and the sweet noises of a baby filling the space. The image was so strong she could almost touch it, but several failed rounds of IVF have left the spare room door closed.
Another sweet friend has her fill of children in the home. Her heart is so heavy with concern and disappointment in her role as mother. “I am failing!” she cries. “Motherhood is too much to carry. I am ruining my children.”
One day on the calendar can cause a flood of painful emotions:
when the driveway is empty on Mother’s Day because your children didn’t come to visit
the pain of knowing you will never hold your mother’s hand again on this side of eternity rises anew in your heart
your longed-for desire to bear children was never realized – for whatever reason
your own mother was never a safe place; her words deeply wounded, her hand brought fear if touched
Hallmark cards aren’t always close to speaking the truth – sometimes Mother’s Day can hurt.
On the Jewish calendar a day to honor mothers falls on the 11th of Cheshvan (October/November). This day commemorates the death of Rachel. The biblical narrative tells of a woman in deep turmoil in all her relationships. Her father gives the man she loves to her older sister Leah as his wife. She is then later given to Jacob as well in a polygamist marriage. The story reads that Leah begins to give Jacob many sons while Rachel remains barren.
The struggle is tangible when we read “Now when Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she became jealous of her sister; and she said to Jacob, ‘Give me children, or else I die’” (Genesis 30:1).
We can feel the agony in her statement. This despair led her to complicate things further by giving Jacob her maid to have children on her behalf. This rivalry continued between the sisters for years. Eventually by the providence of God, Rachel conceived and gave birth to Joseph. Years later she conceived again but died while giving birth to Benjamin.
Rachel’s life signifies the toil of a woman that comes with living in a fallen world. It's no wonder the Jewish community recognizes a day on the calendar to honor mothers on the traditional anniversary of Rachel's death. Her life and struggle is shared by so many.
Genesis 3:16 is a well-known passage that explains the consequences of sin and how they play out in the lives of women. To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, in pain you will bring forth children; yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”
A Hebrew scholar explains the curse “greatly multiply thy pain” is beyond childbirth alone and encompasses the whole of the female experience.
If we take our lead from the meaning of 'etseb (avy) elsewhere in the Old Testament, Gen. 3:16 refers to the agony, hardship, worry, and anxiety of the circumstances in which children are conceived, born and raised, and in which they die....This is the same word's clear meaning when describing the man's work in the field in the very next verse (Gen. 3:17).[1]
This translation and explanation makes so much sense in regard to all women. It encompasses the barren, broken relationships associated with family, the toil of raising children, and the loss. The bad news is that sin entered the world through disobedience in the Garden and the consequences are painful for all of us.
There is not a day that goes by that I am not aware of the depths of depravity that have come from the fall. It permeates my relationships and life. But the good news is – there is a Redeemer.
When Jesus entered time and space, His death on the tree and resurrection broke the power of the curse. Now when faced with the agony of broken relationships or terrible loss,
I can turn to Him and ask, “How are you redeeming this?”
The beautiful thing about Jesus is that His promises can be trusted. Scripture tells us: “He has made everything appropriate/beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart” (Ecclesiastes 3:11ab).
The promise reminds us that time is involved when waiting on the Lord to work on our behalf.
He will make everything beautiful in its time. This requires faith and patience on our part.
So when the dates on the calendar seek to crush you, turn to the Redeemer and lament the pain and heartache, for He has seen your affliction. Pour out your heart to him. Then put your trust in His unfailing love. He is in the business of turning all things for good.
Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; your walls are continually before Me (Isaiah 49:15-16).
But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation (Psalm 13:5).
Written by Kori, Life in Messiah staff
What kind of emotions surge for you on Mother’s Day?
Will you run to Jesus for comfort? Or point others to Him on “painful” days?
Is there someone in your life who struggles on Mother’s Day? What would the Lord lead you to do to be a blessing and encouragement to that woman?
Endnotes:
[1] lain Provan, Let Us Go Up to Zion. Also watch: https://youtu.be/h_zIJt0Kpes for an interesting discussion from the Bible Project called, “Does God punish women with pain in childbirth.”