The Gift of Forgiveness
When the calendar page flips to December, many kids (and others!) begin the countdown to Christmas Eve. Wish lists are compiled with care and anticipation builds as colorfully wrapped presents accumulate under the tree. What will I get this year?
In homes where Hanukkah is celebrated with gift-giving, a child may receive a present on each of the eight days. This tradition developed many centuries after the events of the rededication of the temple by the Maccabees in 165 BC.[1] In the 1500s the Italian Jewish community collected money during Hanukkah for students in need of clothing.[2] In the 1800s, European Jews would give “Hanukkah gelt” (money) directly to their children.[3] And in the last century, largely in response to the commercialization of Christmas in the Gentile world, gift-giving expanded to all eight days.
The origin of Christmas trees is thought by some to connect to European “Paradise trees” in the Middle Ages.[4] The German “tannenbaum” was brought by royalty to France and England; German immigrants imported the tradition to the United States.[5] Giving gifts at Christmas traces back to St. Nicholas of Myra who in the fourth century distributed money to the poor.[6]
Some within the Christian world have opposed celebrating Christmas.[7] It’s true we don’t know the day of Jesus’ birth and we have no biblical mandate to commemorate it. But for others “it’s the most wonderful time of the year.” Even some secular Jewish homes may have some holiday decorations, including a “Hanukkah bush” that remarkably resembles a Christmas tree.[8]
The commercialization of Christmas, with the focus on exchanging gifts, presents numerous challenges. How much are they going to spend on me? What if I can’t afford as expensive a gift for them? How will I know if the gift I give is one they desire? What do I do with their gift if I don’t like it?
Given the connection to pagan origins,[9] the centrality of an “omniscient” Santa Claus,[10] and the overall secularization of Christmas by Hollywood and the engines of commerce, how does one “keep Christ in Christmas?”
We shouldn’t expect “O Holy Night” to get more air play than “All I Want for Christmas is You.” And we can’t stem the tide of advertisements for “must have” items. But in considering how to truly demonstrate lovingkindness to those about us, what about giving something we can’t put on our credit card?
The holidays afford many opportunities to give an extra dose of grace to the harried shopper who cuts in front of us or the distracted driver on the road. But here’s another gift consideration: forgiveness.
On the Jewish calendar, seeking or granting forgiveness is more likely to be connected to the “Ten Days of Awe” between Rosh Hashanah (the start of the Jewish civil new year) and Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement). In rabbinic tradition, making amends is part of preparing for God’s examining who will be granted life in the year ahead.
With a new year looming on the Western calendar, what would it look like to begin 2025 with a clean slate relationally? The Bible instructs and encourages us to “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32).
We know God “loves a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7). We can be sure He also loves a “cheerful forgiver” – one willing to “turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39) with such a full heart of love that no record of wrongs is kept (1 Corinthians 13:5), so that forgiveness even can be granted 490 times (Matthew 18:22) because no one is counting.
But what about when it’s my turn to seek forgiveness? Several “apology options” are available to consider when I’m the one who messed up.
False: “I will pretend to apologize….”
We all know what an insincere apology looks like. I can use words of apology to manipulate others, getting them to think better of me so I can get from them what they otherwise would be resistant to give. I may express remorse for my harmful actions, but what I regret is that I got caught, not that I’ve harmed you. I’m really concerned about avoiding the consequences of my wrongdoing, not the damage I’ve caused. So I’ll say what I think you want to hear to get me off the hook and back in your good graces.
Forced: “I’ll apologize if I have to….”
This is a close cousin to the False apology. Someone in authority over me is telling me I must apologize. I don’t really want to, and I don’t really mean it, but I will say I’m sorry – because I have to. This rings as insincere, because it is!
Forensic: “I will apologize and forgive if you will….”
We’ll call this “Forensic” because it involves close examination of the details of the offense committed. I’m pretty sure you also are at fault. And from my perspective, likely, more at fault. Yes, the greater offense is yours – and really you should apologize first.
Echoes from childhood are heard here. “Mom, Brother kicked me!” “Yeah, well, you hit me first.”
When we seek to assign a percentage of blame, it’s usually to justify or diminish responsibility for our own actions. And whenever we wait to seek forgiveness because we deem the other’s offenses to be greater than our own – and they haven’t apologized – we carry the weight of unforgiveness in our own hearts.
Full-hearted: “God has convicted me; I was so wrong when I (acted/said). Could you find it in your heart to forgive me?”
This course of action is based on my desire to live pleasing to the Lord; my ear is attuned to the Spirit’s voice. When I am convicted, I still have the choice of a false, forced, or forensic apology. But if I desire to walk in the Spirit, I won’t fulfill the desires of my flesh (Galatians 5:16). Rather, I will seek God’s help to fulfill Jesus’ “new commandment”: “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 13:34).
Holidays can be wonderful times when relationships are whole. They can be painful and empty when relationships are hollow. Forgiveness is one of the greatest avenues toward healing and restoration when relationships are hurting or broken. Forgiveness is one of the best gifts we can freely give…in this holiday season and throughout the year.
Written by Wes, Life in Messiah Global Ambassador
What gift are you most excited to give this holiday? Which would you most like to receive?
As you consider relationships that have frayed (or worse), is there something for which God would have you apologize? The key here is to respond in obedience to His conviction, regardless of how the other person may respond.
Are you withholding the gift of forgiveness from anyone? Our granting forgiveness does not require remaining in close relationship with a serial abuser, nor release them from consequences for crimes committed. Understanding that ultimate justice and judgment are in the Lord’s hands (Deuteronomy 32:35), is there any legitimate reason not to release the offender from your own desire for retribution? Unforgiveness is a toxin which only poisons us. Whom would God have you forgive today?
Endnotes:
[1] https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/the-maccabean-revolt/.
[2] https://www.history.com/news/hanukkah-traditions-origins.
[3] Ibid.
[4] https://www.britannica.com/story/how-did-the-tradition-of-christmas-trees-start.
[5] https://www.german-way.com/history-and-culture/holidays-and-celebrations/christmas/the-german-christmas-tree/. Traditionally, Martin Luther has been credited as the first to light a Christmas tree with candles. (Apparently fire marshals were not yet functioning!)
[6] https://theweek.com/articles/441360/brief-history-christmas-present. Christmas stockings are also connected to St. Nicolas/Sinterklaas: https://www.whychristmas.com/customs/christmas-stockings. For other Christmas traditions, see https://www.history.com/news/christmas-traditions-history.
[7] Puritan and Presbyterian opposition to Christmas (some of it violent) in sixteenth- and seventeenth-century Europe was based on both religious and political considerations. See https://www.historytoday.com/archive/feature/christmas-under-puritans.
[8] For more on the “December dilemma” in the Jewish world, see https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/jews-christmas/. The stark opposition of Orthodox Judaism to Christmas is detailed here: https://www.sefaria.org/sheets/51928?lang=bi.
[9] The Roman Saturnalia and Sol Invictus celebrations have often been seen as the origins of Christmas. How much they influenced Constantine’s views when Christianity became religio licita (i.e., legal) is discussed here: https://www.gotquestions.org/Christmas-Saturnalia.html.
[10] Santa “…sees you when you’re sleeping…knows when you’re awake...if you’ve been bad or good” according to Haven Gillespie’s “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”